humans are human

I wish that we were more willing to accept and be open about being flawed.  I wish we were just more honest and willing to own our mistakes and also that we make them all the time.  I know I do everyday and I’m really flawed.  I get angry out of nowhere and I have trouble ever forgiving anyone and I never forget any time any one has wronged me.  I hold on to my anger and have difficulty letting it go.  I don’t know how to be young and fun and I can’t not priotizing work because I’m so afraid of staying stagnant and being poor forever.  I feel if I don’t work crazy hard now I’ll be in my thirties and still unable to support myself comfortably.  And yet I’m working crazy hard and nothing is happening.  I’m bad at keeping in touch and sometimes I go months with out talking to people who really matter to me.  I’m a slob and I procrastinate everything even simple things like cleaning my own room and then I get home and the clutter in my room makes me unhappy.  I feel like life goes so fast and I’m struggling to find the space between moments filled with task, I’m really looking to find my breath and it seems like I will not be able to have sometime to be myself and enjoy life really until October and it’s getting to be too much for me.  My game plan until then is to do things after work (date nights, walks in the park etc.), and hydrate and commit to working out and try and not have my entire days being work and then sleep.  It’s hard to practice self care when you’re consistently in a place of true and deep exhaustion. But I’m going to put my effort into that which for me is spending time with the people I love, leaving the house for things besides work, my skin care routine and other things that are rewarding, fulfilling and calming.

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