exciting or stressful?

Hi internet void,

I hope you’re doing well if anyone reads this.  I really love writing on here cause it’s an outlet for self-expression and lately I’ve been feeling numb and uninspired.  So I’m gonna try and come back, even to just practice noticing how I’m feeling.

The main reason I haven’t been being consistent on here is cause I decided (impulsively) to start a business.  It’s called Cleaning con Flores and it’s a small cleaning business.  Right now it’s just me and my best friend.  There’s always something to be done for it (or things that I’m behind on doing) and it’s so much to even just make it legally a business with my city.  It’s all worth it though cause it’s my own and my idea and I will never run out of energy to throw behind it.

More than anything it’s bought me great pride and great stress.  I am proud of it because I had an idea and didn’t let it go and decided to make it a real thing.  The idea was super simple what if I cleaned houses but gave a bit more than that?  We bring flowers to each cleaning and offer a survey which allows clients to communicate their exact desires of what they’re looking for.

Since I’ve last written on here I’ve filed for the company to be a limited liability corporation, hired a business lawyer, learned that I should have become a lawyer as mine is an inexpensive lawyer and she makes $275 an hour (!!), had a logo made, made an Instagram for the company, made a facebook page and website for the websites, had business cards made, gotten a direct deposit system up and running, etc. etc. etc.

I have three jobs and I do not recommend it (to anyone ever) and also somehow have $80 in my bank account.  Since I’ve last written I’ve also gone through a really hard break up (still going through it), taken up working out, become addicted to Starbucks (dolce cinnamon lattes and hazelnut lattes are it for me) and blew through my savings cause I someone rammed into my lyft driver and I went to the hospital to see if I had a concussion.  I was in and out of the ER in literally 30 mins and was spoken to by a condescending doctor for 5 mins max who told me I had a slight concussion.  I paid a $100 co-pay for all that (wasn’t even given an Asprin) and walked out thinking that was the last of it. Yesterday I got a bill saying that my parent’s insurance didn’t recognize me and I owe them $1,065.  I have to pay the lawyer $800 so make my business filed in my county (whatever that means) and my rent is about to go from $700 to $1,400 because my ex-boyfriend is moving out.  I am pretty weary and I don’t feel young at all.  I feel like I can not catch a break and when I do it’s so small in comparison to the amount of mess of me to clean up all around me.

It’s hard to practice self care when you can’t even find the time to be off the clock.  It’s hard to feel healthy when your own stress is working against your well being.  It’s hard to feel okay when you work so hard and that hustle isn’t reflected in your bank app.

Love and deep breaths,

Zelda

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