1st day in Paris (+ self esteem issues!)

I’ve been to Paris before on a French Club trip where we got laughed at by all our french peers for trying to say some French words.  It was an unforgettable trip but mainly cause it was awkward and I was mostly friendless.  But also cause I saw Elton John and the Arctic Monkeys perform and ate really well.  Now I’m an assistant/wedding planner type thing and I still don’t know my place in the world or usually in the room but I’ve gotten myself to Paris and I’m getting paid for it so I guess that’s a win.

The wedding we’re working is much more than a wedding.  We are going to be in Paris for 6 days and there are 4 events (dinner parties mostly) and when we’re done here we go to level two, Antigua where we are going to do another 4 events.  It’s a lot and I’m very awkward and weirdly shy and nervous and I feel very incompetent.  I get really weird around people who are way way many millions richer than me and I almost forget how to be myself.  It’s not cute and I’ve tried to be more of a conversationalist and less down on myself during these work trips but I don’t think I’ve made any progress.  The ven diagram middle of things I have in common with these people is such a small sliver and I find it hard to talk to them.  I’m at least 10 years younger than everyone and I’ve didn’t go to college and this is not my career like it is theirs.  I’m trying to breathe and focus on the work at hand and try and make it out alive.  My boss is one of the most amazing and intelligent and capable people I’ve ever met so it’s really impressive to watch her work.  But for me and all my issues, this is a very stressful trip.  I hope to learn from her and be like her in my work life.

I think Paris is so beautiful (don’t we all) and it has this sort of airiness that New York doesn’t have.  Maybe my favorite thing about it here is that there are balconies everywhere and having a balcony has always been one of my dreams. There’s breathtaking architecture around every turn. This city clearly lends its self to dreams, especially dreams of grandeur.  It’s definitely expensive; the french onion soups we ate for lunch at a place that had a diner-y feel were 15 euro each and our cappuccinos were 8.  But in better weather, I would love nothing more than to wander around the city with my novio and have a picnic (i.e some bread, cheese and wine and us scattered on a blanket)

previously mentioned cappuccino & a very fancy hotel