Wrong bitch to hit with your cane :/

Y’all just finished cursing someone out. I stopped for one seconds for my asthmatic lungs to be ok and not think they’re dying after I walked out of the stairs of the subway. In this few second period of me huffing and puffing some crusty pervy looking 50 yr old man w a cane approached me and I couldn’t so I POLITELY said I’m sorry I have to catch my train and started to walk away and this man hit my ankle with his cane….. sheesh. I blacked on this man. I was just getting my breath back from the stairs (I’m the most ancient 22 yr old you ever did see) and used all that breath to unload on him. “You can not be hitting people with you mother fucking cane” and lots more heavily cursed words but I never remember what I said when I really curse someone out. For the first split second after he hit me he seemed to come forward and kept smiling a deranged smile and me but then I got louder and really committed to it and leaned all the way in in a way only anger management girls like me can and he didn’t get a word it and stopped moving.

I was having a really weird really hard really stressful day. I don’t know if my dads cancer is back or if he has diabetes and my employees keep trying to talk politics with me (which I think is really inappropriate) and I works 15 hours or something ridiculous (I’m too tired to do the math).

Belated February Favorites

Hi! I hope you had a lovely February she writes from a week plus into March.  My favorites of the month are late once again and I’m hoping to not make this a tradition this year.

Here were my favorite things this month:

The Metropolitan Museum of Art: This is my new favorite museum in the world.  It’s so glamorous and one of the great privileges of being a New Yorker is that you can pay whatever you want. My best friend and I went yesterday and paid one dollar each.  There’s so much marble and home decor (for when you’re extremely wealthy of course).  The architecture is unreal and there are lots of parts of the museum that are full of sunlight, statues, and columns.  It feels very dreamy and surreal.  Of course, it is now one of the many museums currently closed due to the virus.  Here’s some pics of me being annoying in front of beautiful art.

Cigarette pants: I’m not a big pant person because they’re super uncomfortable for me but cigarette pants are so chic and make me feel like a seductive femme fatale in an old movie.  I feel like cigarette pants are the most feminine pants and I have a very feminine style.

These are one of the rare things in this world that is worth more than it costs.  It’s so cheap smells so good and makes my skin feel out of this world soft when I’m done scrubbing myself down with it in the shower.  I love how many scents there are (my favorite is the mango).  I try to exfoliate once a week and I used to use coffee grinds and brown sugar but I realized I don’t want to smell like coffee all the time since I’m already always clutching my coffee like it’s the cure.

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Nightly refresh mouthwash: It makes my teeth feel so smooth and literally squeaky clean.

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Stress ease tea:  I like the cinnamon flavor best cause I find it to be the most comforting. It’s very soothing and I don’t know if it’s a placebo or not but my best friend and I were very sick and drank a very hot cup of this and felt a lot better the next day.

Dislikes:

Essie Gel Nail Polish: literally chipped the first day and then I tried again because I had read some good reviews of it online and it chipped right away once again.  It seems to be regular nail polish to me and not at all gel.

The fact that people have legitimately hoarded toilet paper???! And that most stores are out of it?? There are problems that us civilians have to deal with and some that we create, I don’t know why we had to create this problem smh.  I hate to see greed all around me in such an apparent and unnecessary way.

an emotional girl recommends red outfits

Hi internet void!

In December a bunch of the emotions I’d been gleefully and stoically suppressing started to demand I stop ignoring them! LOL was truly the most wonderful time of the year.  In the year 2019 I went through a really painful break up the most painful and only one I’ve ever had.  I am still processing it and working through the trauma and just intensity of it all.  We were living together at the time and then had to go through a horrible fire, friends staying at our house to visit and of course, both of our individual resentments and mental issues clashing and it was pure stress and suffering.  December was mourning and joy cause it was the first month I realized that everything ends and that was a pain and a relief for me.

I always look forward to the Christmas season though cause even if I’m truly going through it all the music and people tipping well and decorations cheer me up and keep me engaged and excited for every day of the year.  Last December I was going through a red phase and wore 3 red outfits that I really loved.  I was feeling really into red as it seemed to express my year and how I felt about it.  I was in red hot love and everything felt very intense. Here they are:

  1. I wore this dress to go see the Rockefeller Tree with all my friends. We put some baileys in our coffee and then danced in some midtown overpriced bar after and demanded they play bachata.  We got one song of it.   This dress is light and breathable.  I love that it comes with a belt because hourglass girls like me love to cinch our waists any time we get the chance.2. I wore this dress to see the neighborhood tree lighting with my best friend.  I made really delicious buttered apple cider and brought it there.  We got tons of nasty looks from insecure couples and from rude parents cause we didn’t have kids with us and we were taking flash photos of our beautiful selves 🙂  This was my first day wearing this dress and the rotweiler puppy I take care of decided to be a total dick and bit the side.  She made a 4 inch hole which I “fixed” with tape and a stapler cause I didn’t have time to go home and change after work and also I love the fit.  The dog still hasn’t apologized and I am still procrastinating sewing it.
  2. 3. This is probably my favorite look.  I went to look in the Adika pop up in NYC because I have a pair of biking shorts I love from them.  Most of the stuff was ordinary and too trendy for me but I instantly fell in love with this and had to have it as soon as I tried it on. I wore it to my dad’s holiday party and crowned myself in the top 5 best dressed. You can also wear it a bunch of sluttier ways but didn’t want to do that at my dads work party lol.

Links: The first dress is sold out.

2nd Dress

2rd outfit:

Pants

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the contemplation of idiocracy

Hi, internet void,

(should I change the name of my blog to hi internet void?) But I fucked up at work again and it really hit my self-esteem.  My mistakes at one of my jobs tend to be really stupid and it’s hard for me to feel smart and like a decent good enough person when I fuck up consistently at work.  I feel so worthless when I let my team down especially because my boss has always believed in me even though I feel as though I’ve given her so many reasons not too.  I always try to do better and I always fail sooner or later and then any self-love or self-esteem that I’ve been working up is completely eviscerated.

Today on the phone with my boss I choked up cause I felt so ashamed to be letting her down again.  I was explaining that the problem was, in fact, me and a mistake I had made and she basically told me to do better and not make stupid mistakes, that she doesn’t want people to think I’m stupid cause I’m not.  But honestly lately I’ve been feeling like I might be.  Which is a weird thing to contemplate because it’s not something you can ask your friends without them totally denying it (like if you ask them if your boyfriend’s ex is hotter than you), they’ll never answer you honestly.  So it’s really up to my stupid brain to decide whether I’m stupid or not (should that brain even be trusted? with important decisions?).  And then what if I decide that I am? Then what? Can you even come to terms with that?

I am the weak link at one of my jobs and I don’t know how to keep from making these stupid mistakes and I feel so horrible for making my team look bad and keep covering my ass.  Anyways that’s all for now… I have a team call in an hour and I am so dreading it.

Much love,

your idiotic suffering internet friend