balance

It’s my favorite month of the year and I’m a 21-year-old who has already met the love of her life and I live on my own.  I have a really good life and I am really really lucky.  But it’s still really challenging.  I work full time and I have 2 very consuming internships and my side hustle all while still trying to be a writer.  I feel like I’m rushing through life and I’m sad I haven’t slow danced with my boyfriend in a while.  I want time to smell flowers and revel in my life with Nick.  I have so many dates planned but I don’t have the money or the free days to actually spend on them.  By the time I get home from my day job it’s 8pm and I’m exhausted and instead of cooking dinner or watching This is Us with Nick (all I want in this life right now) I have to go to the computer and answer emails or go do a project and start working on that and then when I finish with that I’m so often too tired to do anything else except set the alarm and rest.  It’s not a good quality of life for me or him.  And he feels like he’s losing me.

I’ve been prioritizing the wrongs things.  I’m very ambitious and I am very hard working and those have not been good things lately.  To me, my family, novio and friends are the most important aspects of my life… I just wish my weekly calendar would show that more.  I am not good at not working and I am not good at managing my time,  I feel so deeply and (pressingly, and stressfully) that if I don’t work my ass off now while I’m young I will be poor forever and have to work this hard forever and it will be this consuming.  I’m scared I’m gonna be stuck in an apartment without my name on the lease and in credit card debt forever.  I’m scared I’ll never accomplish my goals and I’ll never be successful enough to be able to even have children.  I am the most scared I have ever been.

But what I am most scared about isn’t that.  I’m most scared I’ll lose Nick who is everything to me.  He’s the person I can talk to about anything and reason I believe in love and magic and people having a love of their life (and all my others if reincarnation is real).  Next month I am leaving the country for a business trip for three weeks and it will be the first time Nick and I are apart for this long.  I really hope that it makes us stronger and doesn’t break us.  I really hope that I find balance before then even though it’s less than a month away and people don’t often fix all their problems and find life balance in a month.  Here’s to trying and praying! lots of trying and praying.

Also if anyone has any advice on how they found balance with work and social life or how to get their life together please feel free to let me know!! Thank you 🙂

being annoying at breakfast via wearing sunglasses inside

My favorite place to eat or even be in Woodstock, NY (my hometown) is Maria’s Bazaar.  Maria, the lovely Italian woman who started it and filled it with love and delicious food recently retired and sold it to someone else who now redecorated it with booths (good!) and decided to start serving very limp pizza (very bad!).  Needless to say, we miss her dearly but as loyal customers and people who grew up here, we still love it.  It actually is cozier and has a kind of diner feel now but the food quality has suffered.

When I went upstate we went for breakfast with my sister Frida, and friend’s Gracie and Tiana.  Gracie grew up here as well as she has a summer home here and would come up every summer.  We met at summer camp.

Oh and! Here’s me forcing my friends to take pictures of me cause I had never worn a wrap dress before and I was feeling myself in my new Audrey Hepburn inspired sunglasses.  Also a selfie of me with my very chic little sister!

Puppy Heartbreak

On Tuesdays Nick and I usually go to the movies and we’ve discovered that there’s a puppy shop on the way there. The first time we went Nick picked out which puppy we were gonna play with and it was a Brussels griff and it was an insane fluff of a thing. He was adorable but a ball of 100% unrefined pure energy and was trying to attach us and the buttons on Nick’s shirt and my shoe laces and everything in sight at the same time. We loved him but he was the craziest creature we’ve met lol.

This time I picked out the puppy, a tiny Pomeranian. I’ve wanted a Pomeranian since middle school when I started begging my parents (for years, and years literally until I moved out). I did not get a Pomeranian but one year at Christmas I got a battery operated barking chihuahua stuffed animals…🙃. Anyway since I’m not a rich person and my apt does not allow dogs and I have a full time job and I live in nyc I can not get a dog. My dream is to get two Pomeranians and name them Mimosa and Bellini (Mimi and Bella for short) and once that dream comes true I’ll know that I’ve made it.

Until then we’ll continue to go to the puppy store on our way to the movies on Tuesday’s. Even though this last time really hurt. We really fell in love with the Pomeranian we played with. She was so sweet and fun and cuddly and we both just loved her so much and considered grabbing her and making a real run for it.

One day we will have our pups and our life together … one day.

spa skin

We went to the spa for the first time yesterday. I brought us a day pass for a valentines gift and we’ve been so busy that we haven’t had a chance to go until now. It was so relaxing and we went in all the saunas and steam rooms and it really made me feel cleansed and made my skin look good. It was like a mini vacation. Unfortunately I think it was counteracted by all the chlorine 😦 and my hair is really in bad condition because of it.