Sometimes it hurts me to think about how much more beautiful NYC would be if people just picked up their dogs poop and didn’t spit their gum out on the sidewalk.
hi, I’m poor so I’m making a list of rich people things probably cause I’m jealous and also probably cause I’m bored.
- towel warmers
- hotel rooms with more than just a bedroom
- doormen and those apts with big signs saying all guests must be announced and always ask for ID
- unboxing videos and hauls
- going to Bali and Singapore
- not taking the subway (“we don’t go above 14th st.” is a real quote)
- talking about botox at brunch
- talking incessently about “Delhi belly” and other “water poisoning” they got on their exotic vacation across the globe
- “Flat or sparkling?”
- Coat check
Hello internet void,
My best friend came to visit on Monday and since she wakes up every day at approximately 2pm I made the unconscious decision to live that lifestyle while she was here… and I’m not mad at it. I had this week off because my nanny family went on vacation to the Dominican Republic. Our routine this week was to wake up a 2 ish and then make coffee and I’d eat my typical egg breakfast and I’d make Olivia egg breakfast which she’d peck at and then we’d make coffee again and then we’d talk and we left the house at least one day but we just sat and talked about our anxiety and stress about the future and indecisiveness and abusive ex-boyfriends and the fact that we pile our clothes all over our room and don’t know if we’ll ever stop. We also watched the whole show the Umbrella Academy 1) because it’s very good and entertaining and 2) because Olivia is in love with Robert Sheehan. One of the perks of having Olivia as a house guest is she cooks and very well. One of my reoccurring high school memories is her making me delicious foods with goat cheese in it. She made us pork chops with a delicious tangy tomato sauce and fried rice. It was amazing and so full of flavor. It’s especially impressive because she never uses a recipe, she just sees what ingredients she has to work with and turns it into something delectable and makes it look easy. Anyways… it was so good to catch up with my bestfriend and have her here and I got more than 6 hours of sleep and a real home made meal for the first time in weeks. But I was falling behind on my work and today when I woke up I realized I had to play catch up and hard.
I have been going through the task rabbit application process for a little more than a month (more than a month because I kept procrastination watching the how to videos) but as of yesterday I had been verified and my account was up and running. I had finally gotten approved and promptly forgot about it until I got a job for today. Which is so awesome. I’ve been on a few apps with my tiny business Cleaning con Flores but some I had literally never gotten business from and one (Romio) I’d gotten business from but very few and very far between as it is a newer less established app. I’m pretty happy with task rabbit because so far I have been asked to do three tasks and completed one job today and I have on schedule for tomorrow (the other one was canceled by the client). I’m really impressed and excited about it so far.
My next errand was to pick up my to do list book from the public library in the West Village. The West Village is where I work for nannying so I am always at that library with the 3 year old. I always bring my to do list pad because it has rippable paper and drawing in that book under the right circumstances can be a big hit with my charge. Unfortunately for me I also write poetry in the book which gave me lots of stress when I left it there cause I really don’t want the librarians who see me 4 times a week with my three year old to read my bad poetry. Somehow I took deep breaths told my self that they didn’t look in my book and just hope that they didn’t read my lame poetry. So weird. I called ahead to make sure they had it and then I waited a week to pick it up cause I was busy being lazy and binging Netflix with Olivia for the majority of the week. Priorities.
My third get back in the working girl game thing I had to do was go to this bar that we’re interested in having a wedding after party in and talk to the manager. We had no meeting set up or anything, it was just time to show up in person cause they hadn’t responded to any of my calls or emails. My boss is the best most thoughtful boss in the world so when I told her that I was headed to the taco bar she venmoed me $30 for a margarita cause apparently it’s national margarita day. What I did to deserve her …. I will never know.
The last and of course what ended up being the most problematic thing was something that sounds so simple; picking up a prepaid computer. My computer broke a few weeks ago and since one of my jobs is a work from the computer job I had to buy a new one the same day the old one broke. My parents very very kindly bought me a new one I literally bought the same one again, just the newer model and they send off the old one saying that the geek squad will try to fix it and it would be covered in the warranty if it could be fixed. I said great, if it can be fixed please send it to some Best Buy in the lower half of Manhattan. At this point, it all still seems so simple. I got the email saying it was repaired and ready to be picked up. Great. I clicked track on the email to see where it was dropped off to see which Best Buy it was shipped to and it just said New York, NY. So I called the number on the email and asked which Best Buy it was shipped to. And got put on hold and got put on hold and got put on another hold. Then after like 20 mins of waiting the woman said that it had been shipped to the Best Buy on Colombus Circle. I said that’s strange cause I specifically asked for it to get shipped to a best buy on the lower end of Manhattan and I asked if she could please check again. She did and still the same address. So I hopped out of the Sephora I had been browsing in (actually not just browsing, I got another Stila glitter and glow eyeshadow in the beautiful color Spiritual) and hopped on the subway to head to the Best Buy.
Once I arrived there I was told that it wasn’t there and that it was in a Best Buy in NoHo. At this point, I had been on the subway four times that very day and I was carrying a backpack with lots of cleaning supplies and I was over it. The very kind and patient Best Buy associate told me after he looked again that it was definitely not there and he called the NoHo store who confirmed that yes it was there waiting for me just one more subway ride (and two transfers) away. I had less than an hour to get there and through my exhaustion, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. That light was the margaritas that Nick would make me when I got home. So I dragged my feet to the subway and arrived at the NoHo store where a very kind and knowing woman helped me (“I just got off the phone with your Mom, she said. “She told me you were on your way.”) We talked about our random non NYC home towns and she got me out of there very quickly.
After that I went to a Whole Foods (i wanted to go to a non bougie grocery store but this is NoHo after all) got some Margarita supplies and headed home. to the light.
I have not given up on this blog. I just have been busy and prioritizing other things. Good things are happening! Bad things are happening! The internship that I had turned into a part time job, I’m trying to stay hydrated! I’ve been procrastinating cleaning my room for weeks! I’m still a nanny! I have a week of this coming week for the first time in years! I’m going on a vacation and it’s the first vacation that I’ve ever taken! I’m so excited! I’m so stressed financially! I have been declined from 80 literary magazines on submittable! I left my poetry journal in the children’s room of a library! My rent doubled in price! I got a really beautiful coat! I am watching la casa de papel and it’s one of the best shows I’ve ever seen in my life!
This is some of the things that are new! I’m really gonna try to make this a real functioning blog!
If anyones reading this thats cool.
I’ve been to Paris before on a French Club trip where we got laughed at by all our french peers for trying to say some French words. It was an unforgettable trip but mainly cause it was awkward and I was mostly friendless. But also cause I saw Elton John and the Arctic Monkeys perform and ate really well. Now I’m an assistant/wedding planner type thing and I still don’t know my place in the world or usually in the room but I’ve gotten myself to Paris and I’m getting paid for it so I guess that’s a win.
The wedding we’re working is much more than a wedding. We are going to be in Paris for 6 days and there are 4 events (dinner parties mostly) and when we’re done here we go to level two, Antigua where we are going to do another 4 events. It’s a lot and I’m very awkward and weirdly shy and nervous and I feel very incompetent. I get really weird around people who are way way many millions richer than me and I almost forget how to be myself. It’s not cute and I’ve tried to be more of a conversationalist and less down on myself during these work trips but I don’t think I’ve made any progress. The ven diagram middle of things I have in common with these people is such a small sliver and I find it hard to talk to them. I’m at least 10 years younger than everyone and I’ve didn’t go to college and this is not my career like it is theirs. I’m trying to breathe and focus on the work at hand and try and make it out alive. My boss is one of the most amazing and intelligent and capable people I’ve ever met so it’s really impressive to watch her work. But for me and all my issues, this is a very stressful trip. I hope to learn from her and be like her in my work life.
I think Paris is so beautiful (don’t we all) and it has this sort of airiness that New York doesn’t have. Maybe my favorite thing about it here is that there are balconies everywhere and having a balcony has always been one of my dreams. There’s breathtaking architecture around every turn. This city clearly lends its self to dreams, especially dreams of grandeur. It’s definitely expensive; the french onion soups we ate for lunch at a place that had a diner-y feel were 15 euro each and our cappuccinos were 8. But in better weather, I would love nothing more than to wander around the city with my novio and have a picnic (i.e some bread, cheese and wine and us scattered on a blanket)
previously mentioned cappuccino & a very fancy hotel
It’s my favorite month of the year and I’m a 21-year-old who has already met the love of her life and I live on my own. I have a really good life and I am really really lucky. But it’s still really challenging. I work full time and I have 2 very consuming internships and my side hustle all while still trying to be a writer. I feel like I’m rushing through life and I’m sad I haven’t slow danced with my boyfriend in a while. I want time to smell flowers and revel in my life with Nick. I have so many dates planned but I don’t have the money or the free days to actually spend on them. By the time I get home from my day job it’s 8pm and I’m exhausted and instead of cooking dinner or watching This is Us with Nick (all I want in this life right now) I have to go to the computer and answer emails or go do a project and start working on that and then when I finish with that I’m so often too tired to do anything else except set the alarm and rest. It’s not a good quality of life for me or him. And he feels like he’s losing me.
I’ve been prioritizing the wrongs things. I’m very ambitious and I am very hard working and those have not been good things lately. To me, my family, novio and friends are the most important aspects of my life… I just wish my weekly calendar would show that more. I am not good at not working and I am not good at managing my time, I feel so deeply and (pressingly, and stressfully) that if I don’t work my ass off now while I’m young I will be poor forever and have to work this hard forever and it will be this consuming. I’m scared I’m gonna be stuck in an apartment without my name on the lease and in credit card debt forever. I’m scared I’ll never accomplish my goals and I’ll never be successful enough to be able to even have children. I am the most scared I have ever been.
But what I am most scared about isn’t that. I’m most scared I’ll lose Nick who is everything to me. He’s the person I can talk to about anything and reason I believe in love and magic and people having a love of their life (and all my others if reincarnation is real). Next month I am leaving the country for a business trip for three weeks and it will be the first time Nick and I are apart for this long. I really hope that it makes us stronger and doesn’t break us. I really hope that I find balance before then even though it’s less than a month away and people don’t often fix all their problems and find life balance in a month. Here’s to trying and praying! lots of trying and praying.
Also if anyone has any advice on how they found balance with work and social life or how to get their life together please feel free to let me know!! Thank you 🙂
Last night I worked a wedding with my best friend. It was the hardest wedding I worked just cause I fucked up two times and was just so very over it and so very bad at my job. Tiana slept over and I was so tired I slept in until almost 1pm this morning and by the time I woke up she was long gone. She texted me that she had slam locked the door and out door doesn’t slam lock but I didn’t say anything cause I didn’t want to make her feel bad. I was having a very slow morning (considering it wasn’t morning) and decided to check the mail to see if I had any checks waiting for me. Because I’m a lovable idiot I usually don’t take my house keys when I go to check the mail cause our door doesn’t lock unless you lock it and I’m on the 1st floor so the mailbox is literally right there in the lobby. So I went out in my PJ’s and checked the mail (also I had a check :)) and when I went to go back into my lovely cosy home it was locked. So here I was standing in the hallway in my insanely big grey knit cardigan with crazy exhausted eyes and just my phone on me. I texted my super but he responded that he would be at church until 5pm. I ended up taking an very expensive lyft to my boyfriends job (we works on a ferry boat). So I just went to a dock and met one of his coworkers and got the keys from him and didn’t even get to see my novio. I lost $50 and a few hours on my precious day off cause I don’t think things through. Anyways the moral of the story is if your best friend says she slam locked the door she slam locked the door!!
I’m pretty happy right now. I’m really hoping I’m out of my rut. I have a job that I truly love and adore. I get to take care of some really good and smart kids and it makes my heart happy. It’s hard work and physically and sometimes emotionally taxing but it’s one of the only job’s I’ve gotten to do that is so so very worth it. I’m the nanny to 4 children full time but it’s not too insane cause the mom is a stay at home mom so I’m not alone with all of the kids at once all the time. It’s fun and rewarding and challenging and everything I’d want from a job and more. We go to the park and the library a lot and I get to make dinner and read books and try to convince the kids not to go up slides and run into walls of the house with their baby strollers! I really like the family and the mom and it makes me realize how much I do love people. It’s making me hopeful about the future. I really love my family and my friends and my novio and now I really love my job and I don’t know how to thank the universe enough.
ALSO every day it’s getting closer to Christmas!! It’s already less than 100 days. I just love everything starting in October and ending in December (September is just pregaming for my happiest season for me). I’m ready.
I feel like I’ve written so many posts intitled hellmonth, rough week and more depressing stuff that it’s almost to the point of it being a rough year. On the first day of 2018 I was with one of my best friends, one of my ex-best friends who is cousins with one of my best friends and my boyfriend. My friend Nina is going to become a doctor without borders, my childhood friend is a musician as is my boyfriend and I am a writer. We are all very ambitious people so naturally, we were all full of hope and the phrase “this is going to be our year.” I don’t know if this will be my year. One the first day of the year it was grey and gloomy but we weren’t, we were young and vibrant. We had so many things going for us and a whole year to put those things to work. We went to the Whitney Museum and had salads for dinner.
It’s been another hard week. My grandma is in the hospital and because of work I have not had a spare second to get up to Syracuse and see her. And my uncle is one floor below her in the same hospital, admitted in the same week. This is how these things go in my life, when it rains it pours. I am going to missing a lot of my family’s birthdays for the first time ever. I’m also the worst at stress management and have found myself smack in the middle of the #5 most stressful job in America (wedding planner) and wedding season seems never to end. Every day off I think I have turns into a working from home day. And I got a new job as a nanny (for four children) which I am so so very excited about (and so nervous for) but the transition to something new is proving really hard. But God willing this job is more fulfilling and more meaningful and I am truly so excited for it.
What I’ve learned this year is that family is the most important thing. It’s really a motto and a way I live my life now. The older you get I think the more you look around and take note of whose there and whose not. And family is always there and the friends that have always been there are now family. I know who I love and I’ve already met the love of my life and I couldn’t be more certain about that. I’m lucky to be so young and have certainty about things like that. I’m only 20 and I already feel like I know who is going to be going through life with me. That is such a blessing. I hope I’m right. A revelation like that would probably provide inner peace if I had time to reflect on things like that. Lol.
More than anything I’m a writer and this year had been especially hard as a writer. I’ve been inspired not often and often in inconvenient times. I worry that I won’t ever be published again and I worry about never getting my perpetually 53 page book to 100. I worry that I’m the only one that this is poetry too and I’m the only one who understands what it means.
I think it’s hard to be exhausted and ambitious and working for everyone but your self. I think it’s hard to do those things that make you, You and make sure you remember who you are and who you love and to nurture both your relationships and your relationship with your self and your passions. Maybe the hardest part of life is balancing it all. Balancing what makes you have your will to live and what you actually have to do to live. It’s hard. We’re all figuring it out in a very trial and error way.
I am SO ready for August to be over. This month brought me lots of failure and tears. I kinda knew it was going to be #hellmonth because I worked every single day and as much as you can prep yourself there’s no way you’re gonna be mentally good with that cause humans aren’t supposed to work 31 days straight. August brought back a lot of my you’re not good enough feelings back and I thought I had slayed those mean demon dragons back in high school.
September is the first of my favorite months and I have a lot of exciting things planned. My baby sister will be 16 (!) and I have a lingerie photo shoot (!), and I’m going to my favorite singers concert (my boyfriend always makes my concert dreams come true). When Nick and I went to Wedding Salon (the post about it is here) a lot of vendors had raffles and I tried to enter as many as possible. Last time when I went with Tiana we won a pilates class which we have yet to redeem cause we are not pilates people. But I won a free boudoir shoot… lol can you imagine? I’m terrified cause now I have to be feeling pretty and decent enough to take off all my clothes in front of strangers in 25 days. Thank God the company is all women, other wise I wouldn’t do it. I am supposed to come with hair and makeup so I’m hoping I’m rich enough then to get my hair professionally blown out cause that’s the thing that makes me feel the best in the world. I’m also supposed to come with 4 lingerie outfits which is real sad news for my bank account but I’m also excited cause I don’t have much pretty lingerie anymore. All my bras are from high school. I hope that I can get confident in 25 days and that it stays forever.
I always try to go into each new month with lots of hope (literally as I was writing this Morning has Broken, by Cat Stevens started playing in my earphones which I think is really appropriate). I have a really nice life and really good people that I am lucky enough to know and love. I just wish I had more time to enjoy it.